into the wardrobe

after a few years of preparation, i finally did it! i put a christmas tree in my wardrobe and decorated it with my meager narnian ornaments (snow, father christmas, aslan, lucy's horn, white stag, and little fur coats--my collection needs a little help). i've been dreaming of doing it for a long time, and this is the year! i'm a little embarrassed to admit that i bought the wardrobe with the christmas tree in mind. i made the excuse that i "needed" it for my clothes, (which would *never* work!) all the while deviously concocting my plan for the tree in the wardrobe event. and now the event has come, and will continue growing every year. this is no ploy because of the upcoming movie--trust me (if you know me, i abhor the idea of copying some movie just because "everyone is doing it." pearls before swine i tell you!).

i think lucy would be truly pleased.....

delighting

i've been taking it back all day today. i just realized i'm not delighting in the LORD, and hence my desires aren't right. when i was delighting, my desires were His desires.

back to delighting.

holidaying

my parental units and sibling unit are coming for a holiday reverie. we will spend the week together at "underhill" enjoying the taste of thanksgiving and the woods. my father is bringing a television because i have yet to purchase one. don't misread this and think i have a dislike for the pulsating light in the box--oh, no...i have an undying passion for the thing! i do, however, think a vaccuum cleaner should be my first purchase. i get the sense that cleanliness is more important than an increased number of entertainment options. so, the televison will be arriving tomorrow evening along with my family (sans my brother--he's spending the holiday in indonesia doing dental work). chaos will likely ensue in my little one person abode, but what's more fun than chaos with family?

swimming

last nite instead of telling the LORD i wanted back in the boat, i begged the LORD to not force me back in the boat. faith rather than fear.

what not to wear

i have an appointment to meet with the head of the theater and film department and other phd faculty at georgia state university on december 2. this is a step i need to take. it's another "wet feet" moment for me.

but the real question is: what do i wear?

speechless

you know the sign i asked for?
i got it.

there is nothing else to say.

glory, glory, glory....

scraps

monday morning in chapel was mind blowing. i asked for something specific, and has been the pattern, here it is:

isaiah 7 was my crumb. GOD’s children and their king ahaz are afraid. they are afraid because they have been told their enemy is coming to attack them. “and his heart was moved, and the heart of his people, as the trees of the wood are moved with the wind.” they are terrorized to the core. GOD tells them: “take heed, and be quiet; fear not, neither be fainthearted...it shall not stand, neither shall it come to pass.” so He gives them hope. when He’s finished, He reminds them: “if you will not believe, surely ye shall not be established.” or in another translation: “if you don’t take your stand in faith, you won’t have a leg to stand on!” ok, so faith is the most important thing again. but this is not where it ends. GOD then tells ahaz to “ask for a sign from your GOD. ask anything. be extravagant. ask for the moon!” so what does he do when given his chance? “i’d never do that, i’d never make demands like that on GOD!” sounds spiritual right? like a guy who is willing to “give in” to the LORD? but how does GOD respond? “it’s bad enough that you make people tired with your pious, timid hypocrisies, but now you’re making GOD tired!" GOD is *not* happy. He told ahaz to ask for anything, and ahaz flaked! he flaked by trying to be spiritual. what GOD really wanted from him was unashamed, unfettered, abandoned faith....so, i asked GOD for a sign. was this crazy, or the abandoned faith GOD desires for me? i don’t know, but i did it. and now i have to wait...

today's promise

look among the nations! observe!
be astonished! wonder!
because I am doing something in your days--
you would not believe if you were told.

habakkuk 1:5

i done been tagged

A Time To Laugh tagged me!! The rules are:

1. Search your blog archive.
2. Find your 23rd post.
3. Find the fifth sentence (this is meant to say something about you).
4. Post that sentence in your blog along with these instructions.
5. Tag five people to do the same.

and the answer is...

"no one came in."

(he, he...i think i like this)

well, i don't know five people, so here are my token two:

christy
cheryl

answers

so, i got some answers, and i feel like i'm being scraped up off the floor:
the first is that satan definitely attacked me on friday nite. he is a deceiver and a liar. and i believed his tricks. all i could think on friday was: "do you honestly think GOD is going to answer your prayers? He is only going to make a fool of you. you are going to look and feel so stupid when all of this comes crashing down on you. you've jumped in the water erin, and it's teeming with sharks." i even told the LORD that i wanted to take it all back. that i didn't want Him to answer my prayers, and i'd just like to get back in the boat where it was safe thank you very much...at the time i didn't even think that it was an attack. i questioned everything GOD had shown me the last few days. i doubted.

so i'm a bit beaten up and bruised, but i am rejoicing in my Father's mercy.

the LORD doesn't want to destroy me. He isn't trying to make a fool of me. He wants me out of that stinky, fish smelling boat. He wants me in the water. He wants me to walk. He wants me to stop looking at the boat of safety. He wants me to stop looking at the crashing waves of despair. He wants me to look at Him. He wants me to expect great things.

"my soul, wait thou only upon GOD, for my expectation is from Him."

unruly waters

i asked the LORD if i could step out of the boat. He said "come." i walked on the roaring waters just a few minutes, and now i'm transfixed by the waves. have i done the wrong thing by asking? have i asked the LORD too much?

i sank on friday evening. i am still sinking.

i am afraid.

"o thou of little faith, wherefore didst thou doubt?"

on my way to church right now, and i am begging the LORD to show me some clear answer.

christy dear.

here is the message of hope for you.

beg dearest. beg.

“who said anything about safe? ‘course he isn’t safe. but he’s good.”

“sometimes to one praying will come the feeling...’were it not better to abstain? if this thing be good, will He not give it me? would He not be better pleased if i left it altogether to Him?’ it comes, i think, of a lack of faith and childlikeness...it may even come of ambition after spiritual distinction.” george macdonald

this is exactly where i wallow! i don’t want to be “unspiritual” so i don’t pray specifically for my desires (my newest, favoritest word!), but rather i pray: “LORD, whatever you want.” (that is, after all, so much more spiritual a prayer!) am i saying it’s wrong to pray “Thy will be done?” not at all! i think we’re supposed to do that as well, but we miss out on so many presents by thinking if only we pray generally we won’t “get our feelings hurt.” praying specifically is so incredibly unsafe! frightening. frightening because i have to give up--abandon myself to GOD. i have to trust my Father implicitly. i have to stop trying to fill in the blanks where i foolishly think GOD has forgotten something.

if this is unsafe, may i live dangerously on the edge of prayer!