i remember when i was maybe 12 (mom, correct me if i'm wrong) i wanted a bicycle for my birthday. now, i was afraid of everything, and riding a bike did not come to me as early and easily as it comes to most, so i was old enough to really want a bicycle. i remember when i found the one i wanted: it was white with purple handles, purple sticker things on the bars, a purple seat, and a great zipper bag on the front (to hold your lip gloss and transformers of course!). the whole thing had a geometric motif--very 80's of me. this was the bike i wanted! so, like any good girl, this was the bike i asked for. i have to admit, i really didn't believe i'd get that bike. we're talking no hope here--i *knew* i wasn't getting it. it was kind of pricey, and a bit frivolous for our family at the time. i'll never forget the moment my father rolled *that* bike around the side of the house. never. i don't think i've ever been given any gift that moved me like this one. i remember the hot tears in my eyes being held back only by the shame i felt for crying over a bicycle. the tears weren't really about the bicycle, but about the act of the gift. my parents were elated at givng me *exactly* what i asked for, and elated at seeing my response. the bicycle is long gone, but a picture of me still remains taken a few moments after the gift was revealed. if you look close enough, you can see the lingering tears. you can also see the look of shy joy mingled with the tears. it's still one of my favorite childhood photographs.
ok, you're thinking: "great story erin!" the LORD brought this incident to my mind a few days ago for very specific reason: i have a real problem with asking the LORD for things. we're talking anything here: needs, wants and wishes. but like a good Dad, He's not letting this one go. i am afraid to ask because i am afraid to get my hopes up. then maybe the LORD won't answer, and then i'll just be disappointed. i've trained myself with the LORD, like i have with my friends not to have any expectations. "people will just disappoint you right? and so, i guess, will the LORD." i don't think i'd realized how destructive this attitude has become! i've let the few "bad" experiences i've had with people who call themselves "friends" (none of you included--trust me!) ruin my perception of my Heavenly Father to the point where i'm afraid to ask for anything that seems remotely frivolous. i only pray: "LORD, whatever you want!" one night at church danny brooks said, "we get nothing great from GOD because we ask for nothing great." well, i'm asking for some great things! things i'm almost ashamed to say i want. i've never stepped out in faith like this before, and i know this is only the beginning. it's almost scarry to think what the LORD will do. the answers probably won't be what i expect, but will be exactly what i need.
so, back to the bicycle:
i'm asking for my FAITH to be increased.
i'm asking for *a* bicycle.
i'm asking for *that* purple bicycle.
and i am begging.
i believe there will be much to come.
3 comments:
all heaven stops so the prayers of the saints can rise before God. interrupt heaven and expect great things from your father. no "excuse me" necessary.
today i pray "that" great thing for you and the boldness and faith to beg for all the other great things our Father is just waiting to bring to you. thank you for the chat last night. thanks for being so dear. thanks for loving Jesus more than anything.
i love you, erin. thanks for this.
i was writing a devotional this morning about how God is infinite in every way, and it was based on isaiah 40:28-31--familiar passage, right? i have never once thought about how the unlimited God described in the first part of the passage is all the better a God to meet the kinds of needs and to compensate for the kinds of limitations mentioned in the second part of the passage.
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