leftovers out. shoes on.

our Heavenly Father is a great story teller. i love to read of the daring deeds of leaders who rode off into battle with nothing but lamps and horns, of well-digging patriarchs who picnicked with angelic visitors, and prophets who could float an axe head, keep up with a moving chariot, and part the waters with the slap of a cloak. as a churched child of seven or eight, my favorite stories were those from the old testament when GOD talked to His children from bushes, clouds, and donkeys, partly beacause GOD seemed quite creative with His message sending devices, and (on a more ridiculous note) the flannel graph for the old testament stories was just so much cooler (the moses in the basket/out of the basket piece always did it for me). which brings me to moses. what child can’t get excited about the story of the plauges? i don’t care if you’re a girl or boy, the mere thought of a whole country being invaded by slimy hop-frogs can bring on visions of “invaders from mars,” and how big was the hail? i’ve been rereading this account recently, and between flashbacks of the flannel graph pieces, i’ve been struck by something entirely new in it’s theme. when GOD burning-bushes moses, He tells him the long term plan: He’s going to release them from their egyptian slave-masters, and take them to milk and honey land. after moses makes a few excuses, GOD gives him the thing he’s supposed to ask for: ask pharoh if the people can go on a long weekend into the desert to sacrifice to their GOD. that doesn’t seem like too much right? what employer couldn’t live without new bricks for three days? possible. then GOD tells him, to make things more exciting, He’s going to harden pharoh’s heart in this matter. GOD is going to make sure pharoh doesn’t let them go. in fact, as the plauges become more and more severe, instead of pharoh getting fed up with the mess of dead fish, frogs, flocks, and fields, he just gets more recalcitrant. GOD’s got a bigger thing going on here! He’s not just interested in His people getting to do a little three day sacrificing. He wants to give them a homeland where they can sacrifice anytime they want (not to mention throw in a little exit bonus of designer egyptian jewelry and clothing), and in the process increase their faith in a GOD who is creative enough to give them some really great stories to tell. He doesn’t want them to be satisfied with the possible, but to be passionately patient for the impossible. He wants to give them more. when GOD doesn’t answer my prayers precisely the way i think He should at this moment, it’s not that He’s saying no, it’s that He’s doing a bigger work behind the scenes. pharoh’s heart may be hard, but that doesn’t mean he won’t give in at the precise moment GOD wants him to. GOD is probably trying to get me faith-ready: bags packed, shoes on, and bread rising, no trappings holding me back from stepping out the blood-washed front door into the night where a Divine Fire will be my north star. i just have to have my leftovers thrown out and my shoes on.

oops!

i tied this to my arm a week ago, and i can't get it off. so it may be on my arm for the next two years.

it's happy orange.

it doesn't match my clothes, but it matches my soul. my soul is green.

“do adventures ever have an end?”

as i’ve prayed for the impossible there have been answer-moments when i’ve found myself asking the LORD: “is this the impossible i’ve been praying for? is this the ‘more’ you promised? is this it?” it is at these moments i’m tempted to grieve. i had such a moment this last week. you must know, i hate endings: the last day of summer vacation, graduation day, when the lighter inhabitants of middle earth sail off in a glimmering ship, lucy and edmund’s final crossing from narnia, emily’s farewell to coffee and clocks. i typically go thru a milder version of grief at the end of a stirring book or movie (neurotic i know). this last week i had a little answer: something i had not anticipated, or frankly, had any control over. the painful thing is that i was given credit by a well meaning individual when the credit was not rightfully mine. it was for Another. i immediately began to grieve. it felt like an end. in the name of Aslan, i was taking the adventure that had fallen to me, and some yard crew came along just at that moment and ripped out the thicket exposing the backside of the wardrobe that was supposed to be the conduit of my big adventure. so i asked, “is this it? is this my ‘more’?” when the curtain closes on the best Story ever written we touch eternity, we see the bright and morning star, and we hear the eternal invocation “come!” it is then we realize we’ve been invited to come on an adventure in the first chapter of a book no one has ever read where every chapter is destined to be better than the one before by the Author who has no appetite for beginnings or endings. so, is this my “more”? no. this is only hobbit-me stepping out the front door onto a road that will lead into a life where adventures never have an end.

testing "the power of now"

"GOD can do anything you know--far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, his Spirit deeply and gently within us." eph 3:20

an article on living abandonedly in faith.

“i would rather be eaten by you, than be fed by anyone else”

i think i have a warped view of submission. it’s an idea/word that we toss about glibly without understanding it. submission has come to imply a forced response under diress (either self-diress or other-diress). usually the idea of submission causes me to shutter. there doesn’t seem to be very much faith in the concept, but rather a sight walk of pushing one’s self into obedience. yes, i can force myself (for a time at least) to submit to GOD. (notice the importance of *myself* in this.) i’m no scholar, but i’m not sure this is what the LORD meant by submission. i believe submission is abandonment. think about the difference between these two “obediences.” abandonment implies letting everything about self go. when i abandon to GOD there is nothing i can hold onto, because everything i have left to hold onto has been swept away in the act of abandonment. in reality, abandonment is harder than our warped view of submission (and yet, so much easier) because i have no control when i abandon. instead of curling up in a ball, protecting the most tender parts of my body and soul at the feet of the LORD, i have allowed Him to place me at the foot of His throne, back on the ground, heart exposed, arms spread wide. is this safe? no. do i serve a good GOD? most definitely. (read “til we have faces” for a stunning example) there is learned faith in this kind of obedience because i have stopped looking up from my place of fetal-position-obedience, and started looking up at a good Father from my heart-exposing-obedience. He is all i see. this is not blind, existential faith, but rather GOD-seeing faith. i may choose to lay with hands pressed firmly on my eyes in a blind position of abandonment , but it’s not until i have had my hands removed to see Christ that i have fully abandoned.

like hwin (“horse and his boy”) i choose to be eaten.

a stack of rocks

last nite was ebenezer. a monument-pile of rocks in the sand to mark the place where the LORD has so gloriously provided. a stone of help. a "this is how far the LORD has helped us" stack. i think when the israelites set up an ebenezer, they would come back on holiday to remember. to remember with those that had been there with them. to remember with the children that were as of yet unborn. to remember with their children's children. and on and on and on it went: a vast timeline of remembering--stacking one generation on another.

i think if i had been vacationing at ebenezer, i would have brought a rock.

"the i hate dating book's dating book" (or why i wrote this one when there are a zillion more just like it on the shelf at your local bookstore)

so yesterday at lunch my “wednesday” friends decided we should write a book about singleness (blah, blah, blah). not your typical run of the mill kind of singleness book that tells you to “suck it up and bear your singleness because it must be GOD’s will!” and “maybe GOD *wants* you to marry an ugly man!” (read "passion and purity" for this dose--ick!) we were thinking of a grittier approach to the whole thing that deals will real women having real emotions (that the aforementioned real women are really afraid to admit). so here are the chapter titles we’ve brainstormed. love some feedback:

just smile!  (wink, wink, wink)
yes, i'll marry you...now change your name
always the big sister, never the bride
enough with the blue bubble gum--i’d like the chocolate factory now
all i want is one missionary!  is that too much to ask?
what!  do i have a third eye?
but i'm a good catch!
when the only one was the wrong one (seven years in tibet)
have fins.  willing to fly.
man you're hot! (oh, and it's warm in here too)
“i will praise Thee for i am fearfully and wonderfully made” (and that doesn’t just mean my brain)

(we wrote all these out on a napkin that had been used to wipe my lipstick stained mouth--we’re tossing about the idea of calling it “thinking napkin publications”.)

frivolity

the fruits of my christmas bonus.
love, love, love.

creating the impossible

i love the outdoors. i love trees and flowers and fungus. one of my favorite songs of creation is the sound of the mourning doves. the low cooing that comes from the ground where the doves live inevitably makes me stop in my tracks. it's so easy to go thru the day and never notice GOD's miraculous creation. whether you hold to the "7 day" creation theory or the "long day" creation theory, the power of GOD's miracle is stunning. it's easy to ignore the impact that this first miracle has on our everyday lives. GOD is creating everyday. i don't just mean green buds on the trees or even the unborn life of a new soul--GOD is creating something fresh in each of His children everyday. when i learn more of my Father's love for me today--GOD is creating something new. when fear is being replaced by faith--GOD is creating something new. when a soul moves from darkness to light, from death to life--GOD is creating something new. He is about breathing into existence the miraculously impossible every moment.

hearing voices

how do we decipher our Father's Voice from the voice of fear, doubt, or the enemy? how do i know this voice that speaks in my soul is not veiled and deceptive? i think i've finally come to the point where i realize GOD's voice will never trick or disappoint me, but in times of darkness i struggle with the thot that these soul urgings are not my dearest Friend. and so where do i go? what do i listen to? just last week something happened, and a cacophony of voices began to shout in my head. i floundered. i spun. i spiraled. i fled. was this GOD? was He trying to get my attention this way? in the midst of it all there was a moment of clarity. i was flung headlong into the story of elijah on the mountain of despair. GOD was not in the wind. GOD was not in the fire. GOD was not in the earthquake. GOD was not in the thunder. GOD was in the thin whisper after the clamor. GOD was in the quiet question: "what are you doing here?" i have come to know that GOD does not shriek at me like my fear and doubt does. i have also come to know that GOD does not call me a fool like the enemy does. underneath the deafening soul din of fear there is a voice whispering to me of love and forgiveness, urging me to take the next step. not to flee into the next step, but to passionately patiently quietly walk. and to be wholly in it without fear or doubt.

so i've heard.

sans words

a book in latin shoved in amongst english ones i am.

been gone

wow, it's been a long time, and i'm feeling a little guilty for my absence. i feel all "written out" right now. can't do it anywhere for that matter....work, home, or silly blogging.

holding my breath.