confession: i haven’t been reading my Bible. it’s been a few weeks. i’m trying to come up with a clever way to make an excuse, and i keep typing sentences only to delete them. (just did it again) it’s not that i haven’t tried, and it’s not that i don’t want to, it’s just that the last six months have been the Christian walk on speed, and i’m weary. tom bombadil and i have been chillin in the front parlor with tea and bread, and my finely tuned ear for the black riders has grown dull. so, i started fresh. the siren call of job lured me in (hmm, i wonder WHO’s voice that was). right now i’m on the slow journey of trying to process it all, but here’s the tea and bread for the day: “when i speak up, i feel no better, if i say nothing, that doesn’t help either. i feel worn down.” (job 16:6) yep, that’s all. i could rant and rave at the LORD for turning me out the front door on an adventure-road that seems to lead nowhere: wouldn’t help. i could completely break down, say my last words to GOD and walk out: wouldn’t help. hey, i could just skip the last words: still wouldn’t help. so, worn down, i sit here not feeling how i feel.
you know what i remember from the nite at tom and goldenberry bombadil’s? it wasn’t just one nite. the adventurers didn’t know how long they were there. they just rested....and waited. kairos.
10 comments:
co-confesser over here.
Is is cool to make yourself delve into the Word when there's no desire, or is that hypocritical?
I'm waiting for something, just not the kind of "waiting" that the Psalmist does.
i think it's ladder-climbing, God-wrestling, mountain-claiming Spirit expectant. medicine for the soul. - not a pill but the nasty stuff mom used to shove down my throat. i despised it, but eventually the meds worked it way into my system and i felt better. relief from my stuffy nose, sore throat,etc... may not want it, but the end result was worth the horrible taste. btw, i'm preaching only to myself since i'm in the same boat.
i don't think it's hypocritical. it's hope. hope--knowing that there will be something there for me eventually. hope that i'll get it this time.
i just hope it's not false hope...
i've been running the same circle for about three weeks. with the desire to raise my fist to the heavens but knowing that all He said is true- my heart just feels too exhausted to crawl back into His lap and rest.
justy- God is incapable of false hope. giving false hope if a characteristic of Lucifer - remember the garden? hope defined is to desire something with confident expectation of its fulfillment. if we approach Bible study filled with hope that the Holy Spirit will indeed meet us there; he undoubtedly will. it may take awhile and he may not say what we want, but our expectation will be fulfilled. (once again this is for me!)
by the way, good to hear from you serendipity! miss you.
i know that GOD keeps His promises, and He promises to finish the work in me. i know there will be answers....i just don't know when. so, hope is the right word to use. definitely.
i'm in fall-asleep-as-i-pray mode right now. i think it's God giving me a place to rest my weary head.
i like the idea of "holy peril."
like aslan: not safe (in the ordinary sense), but good.
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